Selfish vs Love

I thought about the past today. Did i make a wrong decision to agree in jan even if it's not the same person? Should i be that selfish to keep a person 'by my side' when i'm in UK? Though it may be over now, a new story may happen any time. Should i be a selfish girl - get myself a boyfriend in singapore and leave for UK? I can't help but think of this. Yeap, this will also mean that I have someone in mind. But, oh well, I won't do much this time. A good friend of mine suggests me to divert my attention to other guys, as so to forget the past easily, but not a form as substitute. Given much thought to it, i still think that i'll be taking that person as a substitute. Of course i don't want that to happen as that person is a good fellow.

Prob i should even apologise to alex for my decision made in jan cause i really took him for a substitute in UK. That's when i'm really bored, then i'll think of him, which it's true for most of the times. These are my thoughts recently and I know many friends will be scolding me for being stupid. But this is not the case of betrayal, but the case of substitution. Prob that's the reason why he betrayed me too. But in any case, I do feel sorry for him, with no feelings attached. I've already let go of the past, and i really hope he will no longer return as i hold no more feelings for him (ever since i returned). I agreed in Jan merely to help him prove that he has changed. Though he hasn't changed a bit, I've already tried my best to help him. I will not bother myself with whatever he has in mind in the future as it'll be a shame for me to have such a friend too.

From the above experience, I really don't wish to become another selfish girl, 'reserving' the good guys in singapore while i'm studying in UK. It'll become a torture for both parties. HELP! That's prob another reason to why most people become stronger once they study overseas.

No wonder they always say, 'Love is selfish.' Now i understand it. =)